There is an assumption that everyone has the “capacity to love in the same way”, says Levine, but our attachment styles act like programming: “It goes much deeper than communication – it affects our perception of the world, without us really knowing it.”Ī person’s attachment style is largely influenced by whether or not they bonded successfully with their primary caregivers – parents or otherwise – in childhood, though more recent research suggests that genes, and our romantic history as adults, may also be influential factors. First published in 2010, the book has been updated to include stories from readers who found it “a profound relief to discover that their needs for closeness are valid”.

“It’s not you, it’s my attachment style,” may sound like a gift for commitment-phobes, but the response to Attached suggests it has really helped people, says Levine. It goes much deeper than communication – it affects our perception of the world without us really knowing it Amir Levine The idea is that by recognising your type you can identify a suitable partner, be more conscious in your relationships and stop self-sabotaging. With his friend and fellow psychologist Rachel Heller, Levine wrote Attached, a practical guide to harnessing adult attachment theory to find lasting love, described by its authors as “the manual we wish we’d had when we were dating”. I was surprised that no one had taken those concepts and translated them into something that people could use.”įor 15 years, he has been doing just that, at Columbia, in private practice, and as an author. “It didn’t make it less painful, but I could understand it better.

It was a revelation to Levine now he knew why their relationship hadn’t worked. His boyfriend had an avoidant attachment style. When Levine came across attachment theory as a student, no one seemed to have applied it to adult romantic relationships but he immediately saw the relevance to his own heartbreak.

Attached amir levine rachel heller